Crystal Ball

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I wish I could see the future, just a little peek

Wondering where you’ll be and all about me

I can’t see the future, but a girl can hope and pray

One day I’ll find that perfect match someday

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Twisting through this thing called life.

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Life’s ups and downs are so interesting. One minute you are feeling great and the next like a bug squished on the sidewalk. You can go from glowing to crying. From laughing to screaming….wait maybe its just pms? I wish it was that easy to blame it on some inanimate thing that no one can take physical or verbal aggression out on…

Life is ever changing and continually morphing us into what we are meant to be. I believe in God and a higher power, and now more than ever I believe that everything happens for a reason. People come in and out of your life to create changes in yours. Good and bad things happen to show us the highs and lows so we can strive for even higher.

Just think about it- without any of the bad things we’ve endured where would we be? Would we have learned anything? Would we understand different outcomes and perspectives? Would we be challenged? Would we even try to survive if we didn’t know things could and will get better?

Granted I love when life is easy, when everything is great, when life is sunshine and rainbows and puppies…but it isn’t. Life is filled with sadness and sorrow, trials and tribulations, lies and deceit. But on a good day we get love and laughter, joy and wonder, and sunshine and smiles. Let the good overcome the bad, open your mind, and take it all in for what it is worth. Life is not something to be squandered or wasted but to be enjoyed and celebrated.

Until another rant. Enjoy this Thursday because tomorrow is FRIDAY!

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It will all be better soon…

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Today has been terrible…and good all at the same time. Today started really rough but is turning out for the better.

This morning I was stuck in a snow bank but a neighbor came and helped.

I was running late for work but still made it before my boss

I had a lot on my plate at the office but it kept me busy.

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Why is it that as humans we always look at things so negatively. Negative Nancy’s we sure are! I always preach about positive thinking but I just want everyone to know I live it too! I told myself this morning as I was crying and digging, and my hands were beet red and frozen, that it had to get better…and guess what it did! Once I got to work I was crying again, but once I saw my wonderful co workers I was feeling better already.

Moral of the story sometimes a contagious smile is all you need. Keep on smiling you never know when you will brighten someone’s day

Holding on and Letting go

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How does one determine what to cling to? What to hold to? What to keep stashed away?

How do we determine when the heart is ready? When the heart is healed? When the heart has given up?

My heart is ready, but I don’t dare let go. Despite the presence in the future my past has built me up.

I’ve learned so much, have become stronger from it, and never want to take that path again.

There are pieces of my broken heart on the ground, but don’t sweep them under the rug.

The broken pieces have fallen to leave room for new love. Stronger love. Bigger and greater love.broken

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cropped-colorfulele.jpgI’m sitting here in the hospital waiting for another 15 minutes waiting for the doctor to take another picture of my stomach… I’ve been sick for so long I don’t know what it’s like to feel good anymore. I’m so very much looking forward to getting results back from this test. Naseau and vommiting for two years n unacceptable. I am completely frustrated with e healthcare system hospitals and doctors.
This all started 2 years ago when I started getting sick and they removed by gallbladder via emergency surgery. Mind you I was puking all the time: when I ate, when I worked out, every morning…. I just would like some answers.
Everyne thinks they have me figured out. Chrons disease, celiacs, food allergies, cannabis hypermesis, some say it’s all mental, migraines, hormones….the list goes on….personally I am staying off google- I don’t need to play doctor or even pretend I know what is causing this.
I’m just a young woman who wants her life back. I want to have dinner with friends and family and not get sick. I want to be able to go to work every day. I want to date without fear that the puking will start. I want to have a cocktail and some pizza. I want to get back to the gym.
Am I asking too much?

Looking for answers

Snow snow go away…Just a rant.

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snowBlasted Michigan weather, it is so cold out and there is so much snow! I love the cardio workout from shoveling but I don’t have enough daylight hours for all of this work! I seriously need a man with a snow plow, a snowblower, a spare shovel? Can a single lady get some help out here!

I don’t need a man. I don’t need to be rescued, I’m no damsel in distress. A woman just needs a little help once in awhile. I am totally capable of shoveling don’t get me wrong but mother nature has dumped on us so hard and so many times I have no where to put the snow. Nowhere to move it. No ideas…

Unrealistic Expectations?

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expectDo I have unrealistic expectations of men and relationships? I would like to think that I am not one of those women who has oohed and ahhed over fairytale love stories. I’m not expecting perfection or anything of the sort. I don’t dream of a perfect fairytale wedding followed by a white picket fence with children frolicking in the yard. I want a simple, honest, loyal relationship…. with all the ups and downs that come with it! Life’s no fun if it is perfect.

What I am wondering is why it is so difficult to find a man to meet expectations…simple ones, things I would think a man would find important before looking for his match.

A car.

A job.

Morals and values.

Pretty much sums up my dream man— how disappointing that I cant find anyone to meet these requirements. How disappointing that the modern woman can’t expect more. I just want a man who wants to hold me when I’m feeling low, laugh with me through the good times, and make some memories! Companionship, care and love….we are all born wanting these things, why are these needs so hard to satisfy?

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Another Monday…

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At work today- my head spinning and thinking of a million different things. It’s Monday- ugh! Weekends officially need to be at minimum one day longer! I have a weekend hangover- not a real hang over- but you know when you’ve had such a long, fun, weekend you just feel ill in having to rejoin the real world? That was me this morning. I know exactly why I hate Mondays and know exactly why I must participate in them- bills! Why don’t we see Monday as a good thing? A chance to have a whole new weekend ahead? We should be celebrating it and embracing it and saying, “TGIM, I had a great weekend and we already get to work toward another one!” They say that the power of positive thinking does amazing things!  So here is my list of positive things about Mondays:

  • We are one day closer to Friday!

  • I didn’t have to work yesterday!

  • We get to start over on goals- be it a poor shot at a diet or exercise routine last week or the fact that we didn’t get our house picked up like we wanted.

  • That it is just another day, another blessing.

  • That we get to go to work at all, Michigan economy sucks but at least there are some jobs out there!

  • Mondays give you a chance to start your week anyway you want! Yes I may have started the day dragging and complaining but I hit the office with a smile to lay the foundation for an awesome week!

If you don’t like thinking positive here is some odd things about Mondays I didn’t know until today:

  • The best preferred way to beat Monday blues is by watching television or having sex

  • Most of us don’t crack our first smile until 11:16 a.m.

  • Over 50% of employees are late to work

  • Most people will moan about it being Monday for a whole 12 minutes

  • Workers only manage three-and-a-half hours of productive work

Monday morning blues

the world keeps spinning…

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I haven’t been on here in ages, in fact my life is nothing like it use to be, and guess what? ALL FOR THE BETTER.

I will not ever be who I use to be, I am simply a well improved version of my former self.

This heart beats strong and hard unwavering to disrespect lies and Lack of loyalty. I am stronger for each tear and every crack, every day finding more strength and courage to not only survive but to be better by it.

I am different now than I ever imagined myself a year ago. I came back to this blog and had to delete large parts, I had seemed so happy, but isn’t it such that when you are happiest something occurs that must bring you down- I’ve been humbled.

I have learned a lot. I know what I want and what I do NOT want.

I am ready for whatever life may send my way and I am ready for a new beginning. mosaic

Forever With You- a poem

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My heart pours for you- crys crocodile tears for you.

My body yearns for you- wants to be near you.

My life is complete with you- wants to be forever with you.

My heart feels for you- is lifted up by you.

My soul feeds from you- opens wide for you.

Lonely isn’t lonely with you- by my side with you.

Forever with you.